Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
