Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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