just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
