so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You pole danced in your parka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
