I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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