I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
