Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
