She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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