I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
