Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
