i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
