I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
