How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
