I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
