That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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