I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
