I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
