Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
