Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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