This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
