Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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