Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
