sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize