can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
