getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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