using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
