Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
