i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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