I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
