I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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