You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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