Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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