the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
