no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
