I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize