Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My feet surprised me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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