We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
