My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize