I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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