This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
