You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
