Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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