I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
