I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
