you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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