Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
