The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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