party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
