oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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