sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
