Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
