I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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