I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
