1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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