You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
