I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize