how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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