Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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