I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
