there was a trapeze. enough said
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize