Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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